|Day 42 - The Obstacle Course of Clichés
||[Jun. 19th, 2007|09:39 pm]
|||||Christina Aguilera - Beautiful||]|
Title: The Obstacle Course of Clichés
Fandom: Eyeshield 21
Characters: The Devilbats Team, Hiruma x Mamori
Rating: Nothing beyond the usual
Summary: Suzuna plays by the book.
Author's Notes: Just thought I'd toss some and make a cliche salad.
Suzuna had ben thinking for a while now, and she realized that the reason why Hiruma and Mamori's relationship never quite took off the ground was probably related to the fact that they were never in the proper environment for romance. Being immersed in Amefuto is not a bad thing, but there's only so much romantic time you can get in between games and training. No, what they needed were normal, classical oppertune situations. Flowers. Candy. Dinners. Moonlight walks.
Suzuna was a genius.
Well of course the only one who thinks so right now is her own self, but she was dead sure that everyone else will agree once they see the results of her plans.
“First Plan,” She grinned in excitement; “The Chocolate and Flowers Plan!”
The most basic and oldest trick in the book. By giving Mamori a load of flowers and chocolates and hereby inciting Hiruma’s jealousy, this will spur him to confess his love to Mamori before she drifts to someone else! A foolproof plan that has worked countless of times!
Of course, Mamori was really dumbfounded at the mountain of chocolates and blooms that avalanched out of her cubbyhole that morning. “What the…?”
Hiruma picked up one and examined it. “No sender. You have a stalker, fucking manager.”
“Urgh,” Mamori winced. “Can you do something about it?”
Hiruma grinned. “Cerberus!”
Watching from a tree branch, Suzuna’s blood chilled. Oh he can’t be thinking of that…
The vicious dog bounded onto the scene and promptly attacked the mountain of snacks, even munching a few roses along the way. Hiruma gave him just one order; “Find the fucking sender and chew him to bits!”
Suzuna was out of the tree before he even finished his sentence.
Half an hour and three miles later, Suzuna wiped the sweat from her brow and clenched her fists. “Time for Plan Two. The Dinner Date Plan!”
The Dinner Date plan. By making the two subjects in question attend dinner at the same time and place, this will force them to sit together and spend some quality time together in an unfamiliar atmosphere. 90% of test couples almost invariably end up in the same bed by next morning.
“Congratulations!” The attendant at Kariya Bakery handed Mamori an envelope. “You’re our 3000th customer for the week! Please accept this prize, courtesy of the management!”
Mamori took out the ticket from the envelope and gasped. “A full-course dinner at Crystal Mountain Hotel?”
“The ticket is only valid until the end of the week, so you must hurry miss,” The attendant beamed and Mamori blinked. “But today’s Saturday, so… I only have tonight and tomorrow!?”
Hiding behind the counter, Suzuna stifled a giggle. Since there’s practice tonight, the only available time for Mamori to go is tomorrow night! Next is Hiruma…
“An interview with Amefuto World magazine?” Hiruma raised an eyebrow at her. “How did you manage to get that?”
“Well, I have my connections, You-nii,” Suzuna cackled. “The Deimon Devilbats are making waves in the international Amefuto scene! They’re actually here to interview the Japanese Amefuto Team, but I managed to wrangle one for you as well,” Suzuna slapped the reservation to Crystal Mountain Hotel.
However, on the night of the dinner, Suzuna was horrified to see Kurita and Musashi in the hotel restaurant. “What are you two doing here!? Where You-nii and Mamo-nee?” She hissed and Musashi cleared his throat. “A message from Hiruma. Fucking shrimp, your network is nowhere as good as mine. Next time you pull off something like that, I’ll kick your sorry ass back to America.”
“Mamori-san had to go visit some relatives in Aomori, so she gave her ticket to me,” Kurita blinked as Suzuna tore up tissue paper in a fit of rage. “Are you alright, Suzuna-chan?”
Suzuna finished murdering the tissue paper and glared daggers at the remains. “Plan Three. The Stuck Elevator.”
The Stuck Elevator. By trapping the desired subjects in an elevator for a length of time, the crisis almost invariably succeeds in making them closer. A confession is the usual outcome, though some couples go further, resulting in an embarrassing discovery by the firefighters who came to help them.
This particular plan needed more planning than the others, and Suzuna being Suzuna, had used her connections to get into the Deimon Shopping Complex control room and befriend a technician. On a suitable day, she announced that the team should go celebrate their latest win at a different restaurant – namely the one on the sixth floor of Deimon Shopping Complex. Surprisingly, Hiruma made no objections.
As they made to board the elevator, Suzuna managed to make them go in such a way that Kurita and Yukimitsu went up in one, Monta, Sena and Musashi and the Huh-Huh Brothers in another, Doburoku, Cerberus and Komusubi in one, leaving Hiruma, Mamori and her to take the last elevator.
“Aaah, my stomach hurts,” Suzuna suddenly doubled over and quickly ran away. “Go first! I’ll meet up with you guys there!”
Instead she made for the control room and saw her technician friend there. “Are they in the elevator?”
“They’re just getting in,” He pointed to the monitor that showed the interior of the elevator Hiruma and Mamori were in. As the elevator passed by between floor 3 and 4, they hit the switch.
Mamori gasped in alarm when the elevator shuddered to a stop. Hiruma frowned and reached for the emergency call button. No answer. “We’re stuck.”
“Just great,” Mamori grumbled as she checked her cell. “How long do you think it will be before they realize we’re gone?”
“With a buffet in front of them? Not until next morning. But we’re not going to fucking wait,” Saying so, he drew out a handgun and motioned for her to step aside.
Watching from the security camera, Suzuna twitched. “I can’t believe he’s going to – “
The loud sounds of a bullet magazine being emptied in rapid succession echoed dimly from outside the room.
“The elevator doors!” The technician screeched in horror. “Suzuna-san, you never said anything about this!”
Meanwhile Mamori and Hiruma were being industrious by prying open the elevator doors. Mamori was rather glad that she kept doing bench presses even when she didn’t have to. The muscles may not be evident, but they were there.
The elevator had gotten stuck just shy of the sixth floor. “What do you know?” Mamori mused as she daintily stepped out of the elevator. “Almost perfect.”
Hiruma cast a glance at the bullethole-ridden elevator doors and grinned. “Now aren’t you glad I carry guns wherever I go, manager?”
“I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt toda – Suzuna-chan?” Mamori blinked as Suzuna skated into view, looking rather out of breath. “Did you take the stairs…?”
“I *gasp* couldn’t wait *wheeze* to eat!”
Hiruma and Mamori stared at her incredulously before Hiruma muttered something about ‘taking the fucking Fatty’s face out of the pudding bowl’ and went ahead. Mamori took out a handkerchief and offered it to Suzuna. “You really should stop, you know. Hiruma-kun’s laughing at you behind your back.”
Suzuna paused while wiping her face. “Huh?”
“You’ve been scheming one plan after another, haven’t you?” Mamori smiled. “The chocolates, the dinner, and now the elevator.”
Suzuna reddened. “What are you talking about? What elevator?”
“They’re all some pretty tried-and-tested methods,” Mamori ticked them off her fingers before grinning. “Why don’t I help you and suggest one?”
“The stranded-out-on-a-deserted-highway cliché.” Mamori patted Suzuna’s shoulder before walking up to Hiruma who had kicked a custard-covered Kurita out of the restaurant and was currently plummeling him to custard heaven. She said something to Hiruma, and Hiruma looked at Suzuna, grinning devilishly. “I’ll leave the arrangements to you, fucking shrimp.”
And standing out there like a gaping goldfish, Suzuna realized that she had in fact fallen for the age-old trap of the Blind Bestfriend.
What a cliché.